


Memories

by Lith_Ithilwa



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: AU, F/M, Grieving, Leaving for the Calling, Moving On, The Calling (Dragon Age)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:15:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26097730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lith_Ithilwa/pseuds/Lith_Ithilwa
Summary: What if the Cure for the Taint was never found? And the time came for Alistair to go to his Calling, leaving his beloved children and one true love behind?
Relationships: Aoife/Alistair, Aoife/Alistair/Their children
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU of my main HC in which the Cure to the Taint is never found.
> 
> Aoife and Alistair have settled in Skyhold, married with two children: James Duncan (b. 9:46) and Rose Deirdre (b. 9:48). Alistair’s Calling comes sooner, based on the theory that the Warden’s Taint progresses faster during a Blight, and a personal HC that the false Callings also contributed to that. He thus gets his Calling in 9:53, 23 yrs after his Joining; he is 43 yrs. James and Rose are only 7 and 5 when he needs to leave his family, and Aoife moves back to Ireland with them.
> 
> Aoife’s magic helped with conceiving two children despite Alistair’s Taint. Details on how that works are being ironed out - for now, it just does. ;-)
> 
> For maximum effect, here is a playlist… xD  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5tDBIqQurLgAGdRPFyBXc3?si=BBY5auD8QoqDC2mqkPDEIg

* * *

  
Rose and James were jumping on the bed as Aoife readied them for bedtime, urging them to slip under the covers so she could tell them a bedtime story. They were sharing a bed in one of the guest rooms at Ms. Murphy’s house, while she slept in the other room. They had only been here a few months, and Aoife was not yet back on her feet, having been gone for so long. Ms. Murphy had generously offered her a roof in exchange for some help at the bakery, something that Aoife was glad to do.

“Come on, in bed ye go,” she said, gently halting their jumping so they could settle down.

“What story are you telling us tonight, Mama?” Rose asked.

“Oh! Tell the dinosaur one!” James said.

“No! I hate dinosaurs! They scare me.”

Aoife chuckled. “What about the Rainbow Dinosaurs?”

“Oh okay, I like those,” she said, then paused. “But not tonight.”

“Oh?” Aoife inquired.

“I want you to tell us about Papa again.”

“Oh yes, please!” James said.

They had been asking that a lot lately. She couldn’t blame them, they were still processing. She climbed on the bed and sat between them, brushing Rose’s curls out of her eyes and passing a hand through James’.

"Well, yer Papa was a very brave man who loved ye both very much," she said.

"He killed dinosaurs," James said with a smile.

“No, silly, they were dragons,” Rose replied.

"Ay, he did,” Aoife said with a smile. “And saved many people."

"He was a hero!” James proudly said.

"That he was."

"I miss Papa..." Rose whispered.

"I miss him too, sweetie..." She gave them both a kiss on the forehead. “But no more talks of this tonight, alright? Time to sleep now.”

“Okay,” Rose said, snuggling with her stuffed nug that Leliana gave her. “Good night, mama.”

“Good night,” James said.

“Good night, sweethearts.”

After tucking them in, Aoife went to make herself some tea, and curled up on the couch. The house was quiet; Ms. Murphy was out with some friends. She turned on the telly and flipped through the channels a bit, not really paying attention. Her mind was far elsewhere.  
  


* * *

  
Aoife was rudely awoken by Alistair jolting awake, sitting bolt upright. It was the tenth night in a row that he woke up in sweats, and Aoife was getting a little concerned.

“Alistair?” she said sleepily, sitting up with him. “Are ye alright?”

“Yes, um…” he scratched the back of his head. “Yes. Yes I’m alright.”

“Love, you’ve been waking up like this for almost two weeks now.”

“Just nightmares. I’m fine, love.” He gave her a reassuring smile that was nothing but.

“Have they started up again?” Aoife asked, pushing a damp strand of hair out of his face.

He leaned into her hand, closing his eyes. “Nightmares are part of being a Warden, Aoife. You know that.”

“Ay, but hadn’t they settled down a bit?”

He let out a heavy sigh. “Yes. I don’t know why they are picking back up again.”

“Maybe yer a wee bit stressed lately? Is everything okay with the Wardens at the Keep?”

“Yes, things are calm. Not too much darkspawn activity, mostly training.” He turned to face her. “I’m sorry I woke you again.”

She guided him to her for a kiss. “It’s nothing, love. I’m sorry ye had another nightmare.”

He kissed her back. “Let’s go back to sleep, okay?” he said.

But Aoife shook her head. “No it’s okay. I need to be up soon to go to the kitchen anyway. But ye should go back to sleep. Get some rest.”

He laid back down, placing his hands behind his head. “I’ll try. Aoife?”

She turned to face him as she was getting out of bed. “Hm?”

“I love you.”

“Ay, I love ye too. Now sleep, alright?”

He chuckled. “Yes, ma’am.”

She shoved him gently with a laugh, and prepared herself for her morning shift.  
  


* * *

  
Aoife flipped to another channel, before giving up. Nothing on there would take her mind off her thoughts. She finished her tea and placed the cup on the coffee table. She noticed a half-finished cream cheese danish; one of the kids must have left it there. Probably James. He shared many features with his father, his love of cheese not being the least of them. She felt her vision blurring up. She should pick it up, and bring it back to the kitchen. Except she couldn’t will herself to move. Looking at it was both ripping her heart apart and comforting at the same time. She wiped her cheeks. When it was late at night like this, and the kids were asleep, she could let her strong front down, and allow herself to feel. To grieve.  
  


* * *

  
When he got out of the meeting with Neranka, Cullen and Sheava that morning, Alistair headed for the gardens. Aoife must be done with her shift in the kitchen by now, and would likely be found there or in her art studio. Ever since they settled in Skyhold, she had taken up the early shift, helping prepare all the loaves of bread and baked items the castle would need for the day, and serving breakfast. It had its perks: she always brought back fresh bread to the room. He especially liked it when it was of the cheesy variety.

The nightmares hadn’t stopped. In fact, they had gotten worse over the last month. More and more vivid, and he could increasingly feel as if they were reaching out to him. Calling him. But, surely it couldn’t be? Wasn’t the average 30 years? He was barely over 20 years into his Joining. Surely he had more time still.

His thoughts were interrupted by two young children barreling into him.

“Papa!”

He laughed and hugged them both. “Well hello, James, Rose. What are you two rascals up too now?”

“Nothing!” Rose said. “Just playing in the garden.”

“Josephine kicked us out of her office,” James said. “She told us to go find Varric instead.”

“Is that so? And yet, he’s not around,” Alistair said with a twinkle in his eye.

Rose beamed. “We were playing hide and seek! He hasn’t found us yet!”

Alistair laughed and crouched to pick her up, taking James by the hand. “Where’s your mother?”

The kids looked at him shaking their heads and shrugging their shoulders. Well, if there was one good thing about living here, it was that he didn’t have to worry too much. Skyhold was like a big family, and he knew his little treasures were safe even when both he and Aoife were caught up elsewhere.

“Well, let’s go find her, shall we?”

“Yeah! Another game of hide and seek, except she doesn’t even know about it!” Rose said, with an excited squeal of laughter only a 5 year old could do. Alistair gave her a kiss on the forehead, and they set out to find the elusive wife and mother.  
  


* * *

  
When Ms. Murphy came home that evening, Aoife was fast asleep on the couch. It wasn’t the first time the poor lass did this. Ms. Murphy suspected that part of the reason was that she couldn’t bear to sleep in the room she and Alistair once shared when they came for visits. She sighed sadly, and placed a blanket over her before picking up the tea cup and half-eaten pastry. She should stop making these, they were probably just another painful memory. But the young lad loved them so much. Like father, like son, that one. She shook her head. She’d be lying to herself if she didn’t say she missed him too. He had been a delight every time she saw him, with his easy-going personality and witty humor. And such a great father too. Such a shame, that they never found a way to save him from his fate. It came so much quicker than any of them expected… She threw out the pastry, rinsed the cup, and went to bed, heart heavy.  
  


* * *

  
“Aoife, we need to talk.”

She had just walked into the bedroom section of their living quarters, having tucked in the kids for the night in theirs. James had insisted on a story about dinosaurs, which always scared Rose. But Aoife had found a perfect middle ground: rainbow dinosaurs who only ate bad guys. It was always guaranteed laughter.

“Yes, love?” she said, picking up her brush.

She heard him sigh, and turned. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, head hung low.

“Alistair, is everything alright?”

When he didn’t answer, she went to sit by his side, cocking her head down to catch his eyes.

“Love, talk to me…”

“I…”

She waited a moment before speaking again. “Is it the nightmares?”

He nodded sadly, still looking down.

“Yer still getting them, aren’t ye?”

“Every night.”

“Why didn’t ye tell me? It’s been over four months now, right?”

“I didn’t want to worry you.”

She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Love, I want ye to be able to talk to me.”

He placed his opposite hand over hers and looked up. The pain in his eyes was overwhelming, she felt it straight into the deepest corners of her heart.

“Alistair?” she asked softly. “What’s wrong?”

He looked at her. Lovingly, pained, quietly. He removed his hand from hers and gently placed it on her cheek, rubbing his thumb against it.

“I love you more than anything, Aoife.”

“Alistair, yer scaring me…”

“Aoife…” He took in a shaky breath, his eyes moist. “It’s time, love.”

“Time? Time for what..?”

“I think you know.”

“I… No!” She stood up, startling him. “No, Alistair, no. It can’t be, it’s too soon!”

“I know, I thought I had more time too… Aoife, I’m so sorry. You deserve more than this.”

“Rose, and James… they are too young to lose their father! Ye can’t just leave them like that!”

He looked down again, visibly torn. She knew his heart was tearing apart too, and it wasn’t fair for her to unleash her pain on him like that. She took a calming breath - for what it was worth - and sat back down, taking both of his hands in hers.

“Alistair, there’s a Cure out there. We just haven’t found it yet. Nera has Wardens on the case, hasn’t she? We have leads. There’s hope.”

“Leads, Aoife. Just leads. No Cure yet. And I’m out of time.”

“No, no don’t say that… Just hold on, okay? Just a little longer. Ignore it, wait until they report back, and then--”

“Aoife! I can’t!” He snapped his head up and bore his hazel eyes into hers, driving his point home. “I can’t, love. It… it finally caught up with me. I’m out of time, and I need to go.”

“No… no…” Aoife whispered softly, tears streaming down her cheeks. “No, Alistair… no…”

He pulled her close, and she hugged him tightly, trying not to sob too loudly in his shoulder lest she wake up the kids. Jaysus, the kids. They were only five and seven, much too young. For a moment, she prayed to every deity she knew, both Earthly and Fereldan. Prayed that this wasn’t so, that it was just a mistake. A misunderstanding. A false Calling, like during the Inquisition...

“Does Neranka know?” she asked.

“She does.”

“Is she getting it too?”

“No. Not yet.”

Aoife nodded against him, a small sob escaping her throat. So not a false Calling then. A real one.

“I don’t want ye to go, Alistair. Please don’t leave me.”

“I don’t want to go either. I love you, so much.”

“And I you.”

“Take the kids, bring them back to Ireland. Raise them there with Ms. Murphy. Go home, Aoife.” He paused. “You deserve to go home,” he added quietly.

“Home is where ye are, ye know that.”

“But I won’t be here anymore. Go to your real home.”

“Alistair! Don’t say it. Don’t... Please, if anything… don’t say it.”

“Okay.”

They stayed that way for a long time, hugging each other and quietly crying. That night, they held each other tight as if it was their last night together.

It was.  
  


* * *

  
Aoife was awakened by the sound of soft steps coming into the living room.

“Mama?”

She sat up. “Rosie, honey, what are ye doing up? It’s late.”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Come here.” She extended her arms and Rose climbed on the couch, curling up against her. “Something bothering ye, sweetie?”

“No.” She paused. “But you needed me.”

Aoife frowned and looked down at her. “What makes ye say that?”

“You were dreaming about Papa.”

Aoife paused. How..?

“You do every night, mama. I hear you, in your sleep. You won’t tell us, because you don’t want us to cry, but I know that you do. Sometimes it’s okay to cry, mama. You told us that.”

“I… I did, yes.”

“You can cry. I’m here. I’ll hug you, like you hug me when I cry.”

“Oh, honey.”

Rose hugged her tight, her little hands clasped around her waist. Aoife held her back, and rested her head on hers. And cried.


End file.
